Feedback Thoughts: Don't be so Hard on Yourself

Receiving Feedback

Articles read: Why rejection hurts so much -- and what to do about it and 5 Tips For Taking Feedback Like a Champ

I really enjoyed both of these articles because I definitely identify as a perfectionist, and I expect nothing but the best from myself. The biggest thing I've learned is that being so unwelcoming to negative feedback can be detrimental. From Winch's article, I noticed that much of these detrimental factors arise not from the actual rejection, but the way we respond to that rejection. He points to the fact that when we are faced with rejection, our brains intensify it and construed it into something worse than it actually is. The main point I took away from this article was the zero tolerance for self-harming criticism. Because when something happens, rather than focusing on how awful you are, focus on what you can do differently for the future and move on.
The Forbes article focused more on receiving criticism from another person, but I know I am my worst critic and I applied these points to how I critique myself. One of the points that I took away from the Forbes article was that when you're receiving a negative feedback, look at those growth areas as a good thing. Next time a critique comes my way, I'm going to focus on the fact that I have not maxed out my potential. It helps me look to the future as a place where I am not stuck where I am now. I am able to succeed and move higher in a certain area of my life. Finally, the fact that just because I make one mistake, that does not mean all of me is flawed.

Self harm

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Giving Feedback

Articles read: The Difference Between Praise That Promotes Narcissism vs. Healthy Self-Esteem and Be a Mirror: Give Readers Feedback That Fosters a Growth Mindset

I have had to give feedback in classes but the feedback areas that stick out to me are when I'm in leadership positions. Out of the four qualities that were outlined in the article by Gravity Goldberg, the two that stuck out to me were the second and third points. They both focus on the process the other person went through. They both encourage future actions instead of remaining stagnant. These two points allow the receiver to focus on how far they've come. This,in turn, allows them to look to the future and how much farther they could progress.

Out of all four articles, I think the narcissism vs. self-esteem was my favorite. I never realized that narcissim can occur with low self-esteem. I think the way we praise another person can either input into their narcissistic mindset or their self-esteem worth. It's incredible to see how much power your words hold. It makes me reevaluate how I give feedback, and that when I am, I cannot be so careless about it. Especially when I am working with people that have low self-esteem, it's important to not boost the narcissism but rather their worth as a person and who they are.

Be a mirror

Story: Facing Fate

Once upon a time, there was a powerful king and queen who ruled a mighty kingdom. Their people adored them for they were fair and just. However, the king and queen were sad because they could not bear any children. They prayed to their mighty god, Vishnu and he agreed to give them three children, however, the children’s fate was to fight against the banished witch Ravana. Vishnu promised the king and queen their children would succeed in everything they did. Eventually the couple received all three of their beautiful children. Two boys and the youngest, a girl. The boys, Bharata and Lakshmana, grew up to be strong and courageous, and the little girl, Sita was beautiful and wise.

One day, when Sita was walking out in the royal gardens, she saw a man. He was the most handsome man she had ever seen. He confidently walked up to her and the first thing she noticed was his eyes. They seemed so kind and full of love that she wanted to constantly stare at them. As he approached closer, she saw his gaze drift upward. His loving expression turned into something of a panic. She quickly looked behind her to see what had caught his attention but before she could turn, a giant creature grabbed her up and flew away. She looked up to see a familiar face. The creature looked like a goddess she had read about. It was Ravana. The evil witch was kidnapping her!

From the ground, Sita’s two brothers saw the scene and quickly run to Sita’s aide. They ran to their arrows that were near them and started shooting down the monster. Lakshmana’s arrow hit the witch in the arm and this caused the witch to drop their dear Sita. Panic spread through both of them as they saw their sister fall helplessly. They saw another man running to where Sita is falling. Sita landed gracefully in the stranger’s arms as the brother reached them.

Sita, who held her eyes closed this entire time opened her eyes to her loving stranger holding her in his arms. He gently placed her down on soft grass looking extremely worried. Her brothers ran up to her asking if she was hurt and she reassured them she was perfectly fine. They thanked the stranger, and the royal siblings learned his name was Rama. The four quickly ran into the palace to explain what had happened and plan to get rid of the evil witch. Sita, Bharata, and Lakshamana learned that they had been cursed with this fate since birth and they decided to finally face destiny. They knew they alone were the only ones that could complete this task.  

The next morning, the three, armed with swords and bows and arrows, set out on their quest. When they reached the palace gates, they saw that Rama was waiting ready with his own sword to set out. They tried to convince him to stay, but he insisted on following his princes and princess to the witch’s cave. So they set out to finally rid their kingdom of the evil.

Late in the night, deep in the forest, they came across her cave as she was sleeping. Lakshamana bravely stepped forward to pierce her heart with his sword but at as soon he lifted his weapon, the witch disappeared. They heroes looked around but the witch was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly a rock flew from the side of the cave and hit Bharata, causing him to fall unconscious on the cave floor. Another flew to Sita but Rama grabbed her and pulled her to the ground before the rock could hit her. Lakshamana started toward where the rock came from ready to attack but his sword burned his hands and the prince and his weapon fell to the ground in pain.

Sita ran to Lakshamana and as soon as she left Rama, Ravana snuck up behind Rama and held Lakshamana’s sword to Rama’s throat. As Sita looked back in terror, Ravana explained how she hated the royal family because they banished her for practicing black magic. Sita noticed Ravana’s hate made her oblivious to the fact that the witch did not try to disarm Sita. Sita quickly drew her arrow and called the witches name. As soon as Ravana looked to Sita, Sita sent an arrow that hit the witch right between her evil eyes. Ravana let go of Rama and fell to the ground and disappeared into thin air. Rama ran to Sita to check if she was okay. They quickly grabber Bharata and Lakshamana and the four returned home to spread the good news of freedom from the evil witch.

Sita waiting for her Rama

Author's Note: I was interested with the original story but I think Sita was to submissive and decided to give her a bigger role. The fight against the monsters were moments that stuck out the most to me so I decided to expand on those.

Bibliography: Public domain Ramayana: online reading

Reading Post: Narayan's Ramayana Part B

             Queen Kaikeyi told the death of Dasharatha to her son, Bharata. He got very angry at her saying that she caused him to lose his brother and his father. Shatrughna threatened to kill her but she fled. Bharata vowed to not take the throne but instead save it for Rama. While Bharata was grieving, Vasishtha appeared and comforted him. With Vasishtha’s encouragement, Bharata was able to give his father a proper funeral. 

           Bharata and Rama meet in the forest and share the sorrow of their lost father. However, in order to honor their father’s decisions, Rama had to remain in exile for fourteen years. Bharata offered Rama golden shoes but Rama refused to accept the gift. So Bharata ruled and the golden sandals were a symbol of royal authority.

Rama, Lakshmana, and Sita fight monsters and commune with gods in their time of exile. One day, Shurpanakha, Ravana’s sister, came to seduce Rama into leaving Sita. However, his love held strong and he did not succumb to Shurpankaha. He says he already has a wife but his brother, Lakshmana is alone. However, Lakshamana rejected her as well and she attacked Sita. This set off a war between Rama and Khara, Shurphakha’s brother. As the battle raged on, Rama was able to kill Khara and win the battle.

Shurphakha seeks help from Ravana who enlists the help of Maricha. Maricha turns into a gold deer to spy on Rama and Sita. Sita falls in love with the deer and requests Rama to obtain it for her. As soon as Rama kills the deer, the spirit of Maricha cries out and the three heros realize they had just slain Ravana’s brother.

Ravana kidnaps Sita soars away with her. At Ravana’s kingdom, Ravana tries to enchant Sita into becoming his wife. She constantly refused the evil creature and mourned for her Rama.

Rama rejecting Shurpanakha

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Bibliography: Public Domain Ramayana: online reading

Reading Notes: Narayan's Ramayana Part A

Maharajah Dasharatha is sad that he does not have any sons. The god Vishnu decides to kill two birds with one stone when he decides to be born as the four sons of Dasharatha and through these sons, Vishnu will deliver Ravana. The time came and Dasaratha’s sons, Rama, Vishvamitra, and Lakshmana went out for sacrificial rites. Rama fought against a witch named Thataka, and killed her by shooting her with his arrow.

            One day as Rama and Lakshmana are wandering around, Rama meets Princess Sita. It was literally love at first sight. The two only shared a moment but that moment was engraved in their memories. King Janaka meets the men and is immediately impressed. He gives his daughter’s hand in marriage. As this was happening, a bull-like creature came to challenge him but Rama was considered mighty.

            Dasharatha decides to make Rama as heir-apparent. Everyone loved this idea except his old nurse, Manthara. They had a disagreement long ago and ever since then, she hated him. Her and queen Kaikeyi devise a plan to exile Rama. Kaikeyi goads Dasharatha into banning Rama for fourteen years but she is rejected forever.

            Even though Rama is banished, Sita still loves him greatly. He planned to hide in the jungle and Sita offered to be with him through the journey. He tried to calm her but she refused to be separated from him. In the end, Rama, Sita, and Lakshmana left together. Little did they know this was the last time they would see their Maharajah Dasaratha

Rama and Sita

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Bibliography: Public Domain Ramayana: online reading